Sisters-only programs only harm our society further. Think this is controversial? Hear my story.
It was a day as normal as they come. I passed by a friend who was creating awareness about a certain program. She urged me to take a look at it. I glanced at the flyer. It read: Raising Tomorrow’s Women.
That seemed attractive to me. Seemed like a show of strength. Like yass, I was going to learn a lot from a community of strong and influential women. Already I loved opportunities to grab forward potentials. You know stuff like that.
Therefore on the said day, I dressed up and headed to the venue. It was in the church’s event hall. In fact, a male friend of mine had intercepted me on the way and asked if I wasn’t going to invite him to my program. I shook my head with such pride as I replied “You’re not a girl”. In my giddy head, I was going to learn things men were not invited to learn. That’s an advantage to compete out there right?
So you can imagine my disappointment when all I got was a husband-hunting session shrouded in a myth of womanhood. Highlights of points included:
- How I should dress to attract a husband.
- How I should wear my natural face for a man to take me seriously.
- How I should be of impeccable character never failing to know that humility is my best virtue and will get me married really fast.
- How cooking should be my greatest talent and hobby even, to remain dearest at my husband’s heart.
- How I should rehearse severally to arrive at the best means of presenting my intentions to my husband so he approves of them.
- And of course, severe prayers and fasting for the ultimate revelation of my future husband’s identity.
These were the qualities that would build me into the Woman of Tomorrow!
So do you still think this topic appears controversial? Well, I couldn’t care less. In all truth, Sisters-only programs only harm our society further.
The above event took place in my first year of university. I was barely 17, with my whole life to look forward to, yet it seemed to a bunch of women that the best information I needed to be stuffed with was how to position myself for a man. Really?
Over the years, there were more and more such fellowships popping up all the time. Some were not even masked nicely. I saw headlines like “Make yourself marriageable”, “Make him see you”. I watched several girls jump with excitement, dress up smart and walk with shinning pride. They were all too glad to flaunt the privilege that wasn’t made available for the boys. Who are they to know what a girl alone should know? The “It’s ladies-only. Suck it up” kind of statements would fly.
Now why do I insist sisters-only fellowships damage us further? It encourages gender-stereotyping.
Why is so much energy, time, and resources invested in morally compassing one gender with little or no stress over the other? Doesn’t this buttress the wrong notion that girls are the ones expected to be morally-aware and responsible while boys can just be…boys? Doesn’t this pressure girls into looking up to marriage as some final reward for living life a certain way outlined by society while the boys can carry on metting out marriage as a favour to the girls?
Even logically, this is a truckload of bullshit. You don’t spend years struggling to mould girls into almost perfect beings according to some vague societal blueprints, only to fuse them with men who don’t know the first thing about being mature or responsible husbands nor fathers. It’s akin to forcing a square peg into a round hole. And then we wonder why too many women are broken and lose themselves.
Dearest babygirl, I speak to you because you’re truly dear to me. I need you to ask yourself, “What is really the intention of the society for me?”
When they put up all these programs or fellowships for me, is it really because they want me to have a happy marriage or because the feel the need to boss my life and choices, constantly making me aware that I’m a woman and should be grateful to grab any willing man as trophy husband, pleasing him than myself?
Ever ask why there are never boys-only programs? Because they know the men won’t show up! To them, you’re the one who can’t wait to be their wife. He couldn’t care less.
If we must have relationship programs, invite both genders, encourage them to bring along their boyfriends and girlfriends. If you feel the weird need for privacy, make arrangements for both genders. Don’t make men feel they have little to contribute to a workable marriage.
Babygirl, say NO to sisters-only fellowships; they only tell you what you should do, never what he should do.
As always, rise above the society noise. Cheers. Leave me your reactions in the comment section. And please share.