It’s the Valentine’s week. Valentine’s Day is just on Sunday aka lovers day. This day is popular worldwide for showing love amongst people. But several conflicting schools of thoughts follow the celebration Day with some people insisting it should be a Christian Love Day while condemning the secular connotations of it. Well this episode is not about upholding one belief over the other but to examine the boyfriend pressure concerning the event. Yes the question everyone keeps asking you “where is your boyfriend?” And also all the things you can do to have a great Valentine’s Day.
As is my culture, I’ll give you a little bit story of how Valentine’s Day came to be.
Origin of Valentine’s Day.
First, there is the Roman Catholic origin where the Catholic church recognises two to three different saints named Valentine whom were all matyred, i.e., killed unjustly.
One Valentine was probably a priest who continued to perform marriages in secret for young lovers against the decree of the then Emperor Claudius II who banned marriages so that men could be soldiers. The emperor ordered Valentine’s death when discovered.
Another possible Valentine was also be headed by the emperor outside of Rome.
Yet another story suggests that Valentine helped Christians escape the harsh Roman prisons ladened with torture and hence was caught and imprisoned, where he fell in love with his jailer’s daughter who visited him while in confinement. The story suggested that he wrote her a letter before his death signed “From your Valentine”. Aaawwnn, so romantic.
On another hand, the pagans in Rome celebrated a festival in February and it is suggested that the Catholic church placed the St. Valentine’s Day feast at this time in order to “Christianize” this pagan celebration of Lupercalia. From February 13th to February 15th, the Romans celebrated the Feast of Lupercalia where their priests sacrifice a goat and a dog and then whipped women with the hides of the slain animals.
Young women would actually line up for the men to hit them as they believed this would make them fertile – yeah so this is literally men hitting on women by… well, hitting them.
It was said that these men were drunk and naked and these women would write their names and dump them in a jar from which the men drew names in a typical matchmaking lottery. Matched couples would be uhhmm, coupled for the rest of the year and this often ended in marriage.
The Pope Gelasius I, in an effort to abolish the un-Christian pagan festival, decided to honour the Valentines who were executed on February 14th of different years in the third century AD, by dedicating the February 14th to their martyrdom as Valentine’s Day!
And till this day, Valentine’s day is widely celebrated as a day of fertility and love where men are expected to display the traits of the two or three Saints Valentine, which where Sympathy, Heroism and Romanticism. So do something outstanding for her, then write her a letter or get her a gift and sign it “From your Valentine”.
Now babygirl, where is your boyfriend?
This makes me laugh so hard, like shall we go back to the days of matchmaking lottery so that every woman we get picked by a man?
Honestly I have pictured this quite a few times: me standing in line, my name dropped in this lottery drum, waiting anxiously and hoping against hope that it is the tall dark and handsome dude with broad chest and a fat bank account I’ve been crushing on, that gets to pick my name. Hey God!
I now imagine it’s one fat Yokozuna who would totally crush my small body, armpit full of dirty hairs, living under his mother’s roof with zero bank account, that will pick and call out my name with dirty crooked teeth🤣! Somebody should stop me please!
So I really wanna talk to you about the pressure that comes with Valentine’s Day; about a date, a boyfriend and the activities that should go down. These things that really bother women to the point of mania or depression.
So Valentine’s Day is just a few days away and it’s clear to you that you are spending it in a SAD way, i.e., Single And Depressed, sweetheart snap out of it.
Or you have a boyfriend and you are pressured thinking “What’s the day gonna be like?”
What’s he going to get for you?
Where will he take you to? Will it be an exotic holiday get-away or something as regular as the movies or a bar?
Will he put in some good effort or are you just going to sit in the parlour and eat food like it’s one of your regular days?
You’re already planning how to confront him if he isn’t making any special plans, after all, people are going to be telling their awesome Valentine’s Day experience stories. What have you got to say? No story to tell? Ah, Mbanu. You will put that man in his place if he isn’t getting you a mind-blowing gift. It’s a deal! Aunty, please be calming down. Just be calming down small small.
Here’s what to do in any of these situations.
So in your case, maybe there’s no boo and possibly no hope of even a date. You don’t want to spend your Valentine’s Day SAD, sister take your pretty self out. Maybe in the company of any other single friends you have, whether male or female. Ask them!
I remember one Valentine’s Day back in school. As usual I didn’t have a boo (don’t laugh at me please, the devil always pushes me to quarrel with them before Valentine’s Day), and my other roommate didn’t have plans either. The third one had a guy asking her to be his date but for some reasons she didn’t want to. So we three made plans and had a girl’s out Valentine’s Day. Along the line this guy kept calling so she invited him to come join us. And because there were three of us he came along with a friend of his. So what started out as a girls night out turned into a larger gathering of meeting random people and we had so much fun.
That was one case. On a few other Valentine’s Days, I would just take myself out. Just be happy and meet random people, talk and laugh and say “So nice to have met you”. Otherwise I lay in my bed and read a book.
Whatever you do, don’t be SAD on Valentine’s Day. I know the vibes on media can be very crazy, so match it with a good dose of self-love and be at peace having you to yourself.
Then for you that have a boyfriend, forget Valentine’s Day pressure for a bit and just communicate. Communication can boost your relationship and get you a great Valentine’s day experience.
Just imagine where you are expecting some big, outstanding surprise from Boo and he’s just there because he’s not into it. Man’s probably got a ton on his mind and he’s not exactly making plans. See how much you would be disappointed when the day comes and tatata, nada! Nothing is happening.
So communicate. “Baby what are we doing for Valentine’s Day?” if you are crazy about the day like that, then don’t hesitate to initiate this conversation. And if he has some secret surprise underway, he would say it’s a surprise, right? Or he could act uninterested only to come sweep you off your feet on the day.
But on the other hand, if he has no clue or doesn’t consider the day with much vigour, then how about giving him and experience of his own? Let him know how much you value the Day by showing him.
Flip it Girl…
Make arrangements, book a place, plan a getaway, a dinner date, a gift, whatever helps you put a smile in your relationship.
If he’s the major financially buoyant one, you already know how you can extract some money in disguise from him ahead of time, then add your own money and give you both an awesome experience.
Or if the funds are low between you two, then make some special dinner. Hand him some errands to help in preparation and you will see that he just can’t wait to see the outcome of all this prep.
All these activities increase the bond between you two and create memories. There is nothing as precious as memories – ask those who have lost theirs.
But always remember, you don’t have to wait to show your partner good loving only on Valentine’s Day or on their birthday. These days are special quite alright and you are allowed to go over the top on these days, but remember to spread love every other day of your life.
Some good daytime activities on Valentine’s Day worthy of note include visiting the orphanages and giving alms to the less privileged and people living with disabilities PLWD, or your domestic helps and staff too. They need some love too. So reach out in any way you can.
Have fun sweetie. Happy Valentine’s Day! Send me cake please…