Saint Emmanuella and Naija Celebrities

Hi TEBian, happy November! It’s Saint Emmanuella here☺.

Welcome again and how did it go with you today? I will tell you mine.

Today is one of my most exciting, though thought-provoking days each year. Today is the first day of November and in the church, it is set aside to celebrate the Feast of All Saints; you know, those people who maybe dinnor blow on earth but they come blow in heaven.

Lol, I’m sure you get me.

So if you’re from one of those households where rice and chicken is set aside for Sundays, today is a good day to get it done. Yea, it’s akin to Sunday by the church standards. It’s called a Holy Day of Obligation. Actually there are four of them: the Easter Sunday, Ascension Thursday, Feast of All Saints and the Feast of Assumption. Lemme not digress further, getting more interesting information about the church has no scarcity of resources.

So back to my gist, every first of November, address me as Saint Emmanuella😂. Because that’s how you will see me marching into heaven when that song “Oh when the saints… Are marching in…” starts playing.

Yes oh, I will be marching too.

Anyway, why I’m gisting this gist is that after the ecstatic mass celebration in the church, I realized there was no “rice and chicken” awaiting me to seal the celebration. Brethren, how is Saint Emmanuella supposed to feel the sainthood in this condition?

Therefore, I spent the time wondering which of our Naija artistes will be handling the mic singing the “Oh when the saints… Are marching in…” song for saints like me to march into heaven☺.

Since I already know I will lead the line for the march past, I’m trying to choose which artiste I will root for to sing the song such that the heavenly entrance will make too much sense.

I already know that our politicians plus INEC and EFCC will march straight to hellfire and it’s the Nigerian army and Boko Haram that will conduct their own march past, with plenty flogging using hefty koboko and Python Dance style.

And I know that many of our Men of God will be busy struggling to collect the last tithes till heaven’s gate will shut before them.

I’m sure that the militants will not allow Jesus to breathe, they will hound him asking for amnesty. While the Fulani herdsmen will wail loudly as there will be no grass for their cows; however, Angel Michael will cast them into hades for caring less about human lives.

NEPA people nko? They’re all going to purgatory. All the extorted NEPA bills will have to be purged from their souls.

So I still wonder, which artiste will sing this beautiful song for Saint Emmanuella and her fellow saints to march into heaven?

If 2Baba sings it now, I might forget the direction and start walking towards him like his African Queen.

Wizkid should not even try it, we have not boiled rice yet for the STEW.

Maybe the Chef Chi would have helped us with the rice but Oga Davido will be busy doing OBO for God as if he can give God assurance too; he will just scatter our saintly marching like NYSC camp.

If Phyno and Olamide should sing it, there will be no marching again. People will start tearing shirt and breaking bottles screaming “Ezege” and dancing shaku shaku.

Don Jazzy nko? Noo, we wee norr know when D’Banj will carry the Koko and block heaven’s gate. And e don end be that.

Ah haba! Ayam confused.

I would have loved Falz but he’s the bad guy and will seize the opportunity to finally subdue Simi with his soldier force while Simi will be too busy to sing for us because of Joromi.

In fact, my fellow saints and I might just end up choosing Frank Edwards but I think he would be inside heaven already, drinking from the vine yard.

I shaa know that Bobrisky will try to strut his/her way into heaven but the Apostles pass am. Paul and Silas will pray and sing and the spirit of gender confusion will leave him.

Linda Ikeji will not even make noise. She will just be taking note of everything because she must blog about it from heaven.

Maybe we will leave it for Korede Bello eventually😎; afterall las las, na Godwin.


Happy Feast of All Saints from Saint Emmanuella!

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