Never Fry Plantain First, It’s a Trap.

Yo people! I’m very sure that I’m not alone in this ordeal. No way, it can’t just be me. But… just in case there’s the slightest chance that you’re not aware yet, please, never ever fry plantain first. It’s a trap mehn.

Here goes my chronicle for the day.

So I was thirsting for the breakfast of my dreams: fried plantain plus fried sweet potatoes plus fried egg downed with a cup of coffee. Oh my favourite things in this world of sin.

Now, it’s not normal of me – must have been my village people doing soft work on my case- but I zombie-shly started slicing the plantains first.

Hei God! Na soft work oh.

I was about to put the plantain on fire when my brain reset. Damn it, am I frying plantain first? Really? So  I was stuck between keeping it aside, peel, wash and slice the potatoes, then fry first before continuing with the plantain.

But it was needless. I eat raw ripe plantain just as much as the fried one, if not even more. I can’t confuse my village people with such detour; in the end, they will still win.

So I went ahead and fried the plantain, then prepped the potatoes. By the time the plantain was done and the potato was on fire, your girl was deceiving herself that she can ignore the sumptuous plantain and it’s seductive aroma to focus on prepping the eggs.

LOL. Here’s the breakdown of events:

Placed the potatoes on fire – eat one plantain [Damn! Too hot].

Beat eggs into a bowl – eat one plantain [Was prepared for the heat. Of course there’s natural A/C in the mouth😂].

Slice onions – eat two more slices of plantain [I prayed to God to spiritually block my longthroat😭].

Bring the potatoes down from fire – eat another plantain [God was clearly too busy answering serious prayers😏].

My people, that was my ordeal. Thank God eggs don’t take a minute to get done. I only ate one last plantain and another final last slice before the egg was done😭😭.

That was how a girl ended up with only seven miserable slices of plantain left to join with the potatoes.


Scoreline: Me = 0. Village people = 10. Them do me strong thing!

It’s all over. Shame on me.

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