Why do some women disguise their money? There’s a cover up lie women tell that bother me a lot and that is this; why do women buy things and claim a man bought it? You buy things for yourself with your own money and then claim it was bought you by your man. Why?
On the last episode we had a true or false debate on The Propaganda that women don’t like to spend their own money. This week is about money disguise. I’d like to discuss why women spend their own money only to come out and claim this money was from their man. Have you ever witnessed an incident or even had a narration of one? It’s bizarre; a woman would actually use her money to buy something that she wants for herself and then claim that it was bought her by a man.
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Here’s a Money in Disguise Story.
One time, my mum’s colleague arrived office with a new Red Corolla, clean car. Everybody is congratulating her. “You did well, congratulations on your new car.” Instead of this woman to accept this well wishes and congratulations proudly, even if you don’t want to say it’s you that bought it because that’s actually no one’s business; just accept it and stop there. But nope. She went on and on screaming “Thank you but it was all my husband, I love my husband, he bought this car for me.
Now my mum and a few other colleagues that were friends with her outside work were shocked because they knew this woman. They knew what her marriage was like. They knew how she’d been struggling to buy this car without any support from this man and she finally succeeded and you’re giving him all the glory, even when nobody is asking you? Hello!🤦
Where does this happen?
Ok now it’s easy to think this women spending money in disguise is only obtainable amongst women of the older generation; you know those days when women attributed all their wins to their husbands, if possible attribute the air they breathe to him too😂.
But is that really so? Because I can recall off the top of my head a number of cases we’ve seen, we’ve witnessed, with popular successful women, celebrities even, who have come out to lay these kinds of complaints: “I’m the one that bought all these things. Even the car, I bought it”, to the extent of even buying engagement rings for themselves and then coming out and telling us that this man bought these things for her. Of course only after the relationship or the marriage have hit the rocks!
So now my question is, why do you do this? As a woman what is your mindset? What is your drive? how do you burn your ass making damn good money and you can’t even be proud enough to lay claim to your money in public, why?
Why do some Women spend their money in Disguise?
In my opinion I can think of three possible reasons to attribute this attitude to.
1. Peer Pressure.
I will say it is out of the pressure to show to, or prove to the uncaring world that your man can take care of you. That’s why you see young girls fighting or arguing amongst themselves to choose whose man is richer. Whose man is more generous. it’s more like a “Do you know who my man is?” contest.
And so because of that your man buys you something and you rush to show your friends. You even end up creating an unplanned lie and go like, “He’s even promised to get me this other thing next week” Say what?😲
The innocent young man is minding his own business somewhere and you’ve already incurred a debt on his head. A trip to Dubai that he needs to sponsor😂. Next thing you’re pressuring him or pestering him to do it for you because you’ve promised your friend that he promised to get it for you🥴.
And then eventually, you realize that this is not going to work, then you use your money to buy it and show off to your friends that “He bought this stuff for me”.
That pressure, that peer group influence; I don’t even know if it’s your friends that are putting this pressure on you or you’re putting it on yourself? What’s the contest all about?
And then eventually he cheats on you or disrespects you in a way that you cannot hide and the relationship comes crashing down and then you’re vomiting all these stuffs and you’re saying that you were even the one taking care of yourself, you were the one buying stuffs for yourself, you were the one doing all your shopping for yourself, that he wasn’t doing any of these things, bla bla bla. But you told us he was the one doing these things nah, stop confusing our confusion🥴.
2. The ‘Women should be Humble’ Mentality.
And then the second reason that I can think of for this issue is the lie that you were told when you were a teenage girl that disclosing to people that you’re the one spending money on yourself is disrespectful to your man, right? I mean how many young girls didn’t ever feel that way; that it is a man that should take care of you and everything. And you’re getting stuff that is not from him, nobody else should know, even you shouldn’t claim any glory. Say what?😲
You were thought to be humble, expected to be humble. OMG. Is there any word that has been ever as misinterpreted or misrepresented, misused or abused as a word humility in Nigeria. Probably in Africa.
So in this case you are not humble if you’re spending money on yourself and people know that is not from your husband. People will say that you’re being disrespectful to him who is your crown right? So this mindset beats me like I just can’t, I can’t get my head around it.
This is the reason you see ladies passing money under the table to the man to pay the steward or the bartender for dinner or for drinks or whatever. I mean if you bring the money out from your purse and pass it to the bartender, is your dinner date or is your husband going to be less of a man? Or will he suddenly become a woman and you become the man? Like I don’t get it. And if as a man this kind of thing emasculates you, you really need to trace where your problem is coming from.
So there’s just so many subtle subs that nudge women to reduce themselves, to shrink themselves, to dim their lights so that the man next to them can shine, can glow and it’s ridiculous because you don’t need someone else to dim for you to shine. If you’re gonna shine, you’re gonna shine either ways.
This is the reason also you grow up feeling inadequate around money. You feel like you’re not deserving of money, you can’t handle money, you don’t deserve your pay at work, you don’t deserve all of this money because you’re not a man and so if your man is not making that much money or is not getting paid as much, then you can’t buy these things for yourself.
And if you buy them, you must make sure that everyone thinks he’s the one buying them for you. That’s crazy, like that’s another level of crazy. So you just acclaim all of your wins, take no glory at all, acclaim your wins to him. Hmm. Great stuff, isn’t it?👍
3. Abusive Relationship or Marriage.
The last reason I can think of for this spending money in disguise occurrence; that a woman would buy something for herself, a car, a property, whatever and claim it is a man that bought it for her is ‘Abuse’.
When you’re being conditioned to massage the ego of your abusive husband or abusive partner. So he enjoys praises outside while he is punching you back at home. You believe that maybe if you praise him enough, maybe, just maybe, he will abuse you less.
Sorry to burst your bubble but this doesn’t work. Nope, it doesn’t work at all. You might just experience a little reprieve for a while when he’s calling you “Oh, you’ve been a good girl, you’re praising daddy, your doing well, you’re fine”. And then a few days later, e go clear for him eye and he’s back to the punching beast that he is and then you start looking for a way to praise him yet again in public. Really? For how long?🤷
The more you feed the ego of an abusive man, the more he abuses you, that’s just it. So all of those public praises is just a truckload of BS. He’s just gonna keep abusing you especially when he’s looking at you and thinking “This one is rich, she’s successful, she has all it takes to be independent of me, and yet I have succeeded somehow in frying her chicken brain and getting her to bow to all of my whims and caprices.”
No, he’s not going to let you go. If he gives you a little more break he’s going to feel like you will gain some sense and you will leave him and no abusive man wants you to leave, do you understand? That’s going to hurt his ego
So the earlier you realize that the abuse wouldn’t stop just because you are praising him everywhere: you come on social media you’re calling him the best thing that has ever happened to you, and then you go back home, you get punished, that’s ridiculous.
What to do?
These are all I can fathom on this topic at the moment. This mindset that you have to attribute anything you get for yourself to the man in your life so that you appear humble, or so that you can prove that he can take care of you, or so that you can massage his ego enough to not abuse you. As so you keep spending your own money in disguise.
I don’t know, is there something else you think I missed? Is there something else you want to add today because honestly I just can’t wrap my head around it.
And this thing is happening in several places till date, probably more often than you can imagine. But of course we wouldn’t ever know until marriage or relationship hit the rocks and then everybody is out and crying their fouls and you’re like why would you even be doing this?
You buy a property, you put it in his name. Many families don’t even know that their daughter-in-law or their sister-in-law that they disrespect, that they detest and talk to anyhow is actually the one financing all the things in the home. She’s actually the one buying those cars that they see their son, their brother driving. They’re thinking he’s made it, he’s arrived and this woman is eating all of his money. And the woman is keeping quiet to save the face of this man, while the man wouldn’t even bother to defend his wife because he’s just egoistic like that. He’s just an egocentric, narcissistic, abusive person and you’re just feeding his ego.
One day just one day you’re gonna wake up and start asking yourself what is all this life about anyway? And I just hope that you get to that realization as early enough as possible before your entire life goes away🤗.
So that’s all I’ve got for you today. Learn what humility really means, take pride in your wins, take the glory for your wins, just stop spending your money in disguise! If your partner would not be proud of your achievements, then just maybe he’s not into it for you, he’s not supportive, maybe he’s got a big ego and would prefer you were down. Think about all of this and make the right choices in your life.Thank you for reading and hanging with me today. I hope you learnt something. I hope you have something to contribute to this issue. Plz leave your comments, either your money in disguise story, or an advice for these women.
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