How often have you been called ‘Bitch’ and how did you react?
How often have you been slut-shamed because you owned your sexual expression?
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Hey, babes it’s my first episode. I call this episode zero where I’m going to quickly introduce myself and what you’re going to be expecting on this podcast.
Why the Word “Bitch”?
Okay, so it’s bitch up. Yeah, bitch up. I know you’re going to be wondering why Bitch, why the word Bitch? Asides the fact that I have an acronym for it, which totally means Being-In-Total-Control-Happily, which I figured was really important because it takes a lot of complications for a woman to actually be in absolute control of her life without considering a lot of other inputs and validations and all that which will see the course of this podcast series going on;
But then, I have an affiliation to that word Bitch because it’s a word I’d really love to redefine, because this word has been pejoratively used on women for so long.
What does Bitch mean?
Literally, the word Bitch means female dog. It could be assigned to women who are being rude or unreasonable or aggressive. But then again, it can simply just be used on any woman who happens to be difficult for a purpose or is simply not yielding to the whims and caprices of a man.
So this word is not always used because this woman deserves it, it’s just thrown at her. I’m sure you can relate. Yeah every girl can totally relate to what I’m saying. For years and centuries, men have actually gone out of their way to suppress sexual desires (expression) in women, slut- shaming women at every opportunity available, where she expresses her sexual desires. That is why it’s likened to a dog in heat. You know what a dog in heat behaves like. So imagine when a woman is expressing herself sexually, she’s being likened to a female dog in heat. That’s, that’s so derogatory. So yes, as far back as the 15th century this has been in place.
The Most Common Curse Word.
As a matter of fact, the word bitch is one of the most used curse words in English language. Yes, one of the most common curse words in English language. So technically, to insult a woman just call her bitch. To insult a man call him son of a bitch. So in the end, you just ended up insulting his mother not even him. So basically the most popular curse word ends up being used on the women all the time, you know.
Then the word also, if you come to the prison context, it’s given to prisoners who are considered weak and servile and being used as sexual slaves or personal property to trade at discretion. So when a prisoner says a fellow prisoner is his bitch, he means he’s his personal property that he can trade off at any time or use anyhow.
There’s also what we call um the bitch slap. The bitch slap has evolved to being used to describe a humiliating defeat or punishment. So when a person says I really got the bitch slap today, it means I was totally humiliated today.
In poker also, a player who’s got the weaker end of the hand is said to have the bitch end, just trying to let you know how this word has really been used to portray traits that are not really nice.
Common Bitch Traits.
So let’s just take a quick summary of the traits that this word bitch represents. You have anger, aggression, rude, uncouth, weak, servile, slavery, subservient, subordinate, slut, unreasonable and so on. So now, as a woman, I want to ask you how many times have you not been any of these, but yet you were called bitch anyway? You know, you were not being unreasonably angry, but you’re called bitch. Let’s take it to a scenario where you’re making a valid point, you’re being logical. You’re being reasonable. But, you’re told to shut it up. You’re told to not be a bitch simply because they don’t agree with your intelligence at the moment. Probably the point you’re making is against what they want to achieve at the moment. So the word to use to shut you up is to tell you Don’t be a bitch.
And of course, when they tell you Oh, come on, don’t be so stuck up. Don’t be a bitch. It’s supposed to make you to, you know, calm down and try to agree with them because that word is not something you would like to be used on you. You get what I’m saying.
The Mix-Up.
So a lot of times you find out that you’re standing for what you believe in. You’re trying to keep strictly to protocol. You’re trying to uphold the values of, probably your organisation. But at the end of the day, you’re told to stop being such a bitch, just loosen up because that’s the word they know that is supposed to get to you, to get you to do what they want you to do.
Or is it even in the informal place where your so dressed up, you know, you’re probably wearing a mini, a sexy outfit. You’re looking so fly; You’re feeling fly in fact. Then, haha they say, such a slut, she’s, she’s a bitch because for some reason they’re intimidated that you can express yourself in the way you do. Probably cutting across as intimidating, you know. So automatically you’re being a bitch, and if for any reason you get angry, you’re a bitter bitch. I can go on and on about this. word, but let’s leave it here for now.
The Reason they use ‘Bitch’ on you.
So this word has been used actively to silence women. And that is why it actually appeals to me to redefine this word for the cohort of women that I want to be in the league that I’m targeting. Okay, so this word is used to silence remain to shake women with fear, to shut you up, to box you up, to mould you into what they really need you to be. They actually prefer that you are timid. They prefer that you’re servile, that you’re yielding, that you’re so malleable.
They prefer that you’re a doormat, that would do easily whatever they want you to do. And ironically, this is what that word literally means. Like, let’s go back a bit. I gave you a few summary of what the word represents. And you remember I mentioned subservience, subordinate, slavery. I mentioned servile, weak. And this is truly what they would expect you to be as a woman.
And when you’re not these things, when you’re the opposite of these things; when you’re exuding confidence and self esteem and what have you, it doesn’t come appealing to them and they try to box you up, they try to intimidate you because you intimidate them. And so when they throw that word at you, you start feeling bad. You start asking yourself what you’re doing wrong.
Am I being too bossy?
Am I being too proud?
Am I showing myself in a way I shouldn’t?
And subconsciously, you begin to try hard to mellow yourself. You begin to try hard to appear more accommodating, timid. You start trying to do whatever they ask you to do to make them happy. And at the end of the day, you’re actually becoming the real, the literal bitch who is simply weak and timid, you know?
Why you should Bitch Up.
So I see it as a practical method to actually silence you, to get you to be what they want you to be, in order for you to not be what you want yourself to be. So if I begin and you begin to relate with that word on a different note, it’s uh, a conscious method of facing your fears so that when the world’s most popular derogatory word can no longer get to you when is thrown at you, because you have understood the psychology behind the usage of this word. Then you are truly free.
At that moment, you have truly gained your own control. You have truly upped your emotional response to these attacks. So when you remind yourself that “I’m not really being a bitch in the way they are saying I am, I’m simply coming across as intimidating to them because I have my own values that I’m sticking to. I have my own convictions and I’m not afraid to pass my opinions”, then you shouldn’t be bothered.
Be In Total Control Happily.
So when they tell you you’re being bitchy when they try to box you up with that word, you remind yourself that No, you’re simply being in total control Happily. And so you own the word. You own that word so that you are no longer put down, you no longer feel broken or anxious or ultimately depressed. You’re no longer upset when that word is used against you. Because you understand the psychology. You are now in total control. You can see clearly and transparently, you know.
And so you own the word. You own that word so that you are no longer put down, you no longer feel broken or anxious or ultimately depressed. You’re no longer upset when that word is used against you. Because you understand the psychology. You are now in total control. You can see clearly and transparently, you know.
You no longer tread on stones, you no longer strive to please people. You no longer live your life on the edge just so you don’t intimidate them enough to call you Bitch. So you don’t throw your own happiness away just so that they are happy with you. Always remember, they’re not exactly happy for you. They’re just happy with themselves for making that intimidated person out of you. Okay?
So don’t live your life like that. Don’t do it. Don’t be someone That was just so that they can be their- themselves. No, girl, you have to be you and embrace being you with your head held high and reflecting all the bitch insults being thrown at you because you are not that bitch that they’re calling you. You’re simply Being In Total Control Happily.
So yeah, a bitch is a woman who is being in total control happily.
You’re too happy in your own lane to care what they have to say.
You are too positive in your vibes to accommodate negative vibes.
You’re too busy building yourself up to give into being put down.
So today decide to be in total control happily. Set your priorities right. Commit to (re)discovering yourself. And yeah, of course, listen to my podcast every week as I bring you expos on how to bitch up and stay a queen.
So my name is Emmanuella and I am invested in how my women are kicking their lives, living their best lives and just totally being in control of your life’s choices, making the big decisions and steering your own ship; living for you, being happy in your own lane and having such a tremendous amount of emotional stability that nothing gets to you that is not supposed to get to you. That’s, that’s what I’m all about. That’s what I’m all for.