For some days now, the viral cyber topic has been “I can’t marry a man who earns 50k salary”. And as expected, it transcended into a gender war where men were calling out women for “expecting too much” or “unwilling to manage”, and even proclaiming they cannot marry a woman earning N50k either.
Rough check; at this time, N50k is about $136.
Now that’s not my issue. What cuts me is that something like this went viral and kept Nigerian youths engaged for days unending. Wtf! Battles were fought, with words of course, and it all appeared grossly silly to me. I swore never to opine till the craze had died down.
Nigerians why?
Is this the best we can do? It’s not bad enough that the economy is melting down and everyone is hustling and bustling to survive; yet we gather, not to discuss how much of a mess it is that a man is so tied down to marry with such a meagre income, but to cuss at those who do not wish for it.
So now that a bit of sanity has returned to the Nigerian cyber space (at least until the next breakout), I want to address this ‘I can’t marry a man who earns 50k salary issue’.
All I see is a host of people who have failed to understand the true essence of marriage.
The companionship of both partners is the true essence of marriage. Having someone to do life with; to love, to cherish, to build, to share with, to explore; within the confines of sacred vows.
The problem is that the culture here wrongly sees children as the main reason for marriage.
That’s why people still treat single mothers like their lives are not worth living. That is why couples want to gather children everywhere without long term financial plans for them. And why when there are no children produced, the society and extended families go haywire on the couple.
Then when children marry or create lives away from home, the parents live empty. The father takes to friends and work (or drinking and side chics) while the mother is always on the lookout of which child’s family house to visit (and likely to cause trouble). Retirement does not look good on them. They can’t connect.
Because they didn’t build a life for themselves, they built a life around their children.
N50k per month can manage to feed you and your spouse (assuming the other is earning little or nothing too). What it cannot do is sustain the training of your children without deep suffering due to the economic situation of our nation.
Dear Nigerians, there is no rule book that instructs you to have children in the first year of your marriage. Neither in your second year, nor your third year, or whenever.
You have children when you have saved enough for them, one at a time. Most especially in the economic condition we find ourselves, budgeting for your kids is very important. It is the addition of kids into marriage that sucks up all the income. So get married with N50k salary all you want, but take some time to bring in your kids. You can take a year or two to prepare for your first child.
You hear white couples announce “we’re trying for a child” and everyone is happy, voicing “congratulations”. For only ‘trying for a child’, not that the couple is pregnant already. Just the fact that they have decided they’re now ready to add more members to their family calls for congratulations. Maybe more income is more available, or more time is now available to focus on children; whatever the reason. No pressures. See how simple life can be?
We have several family planning options available and whatever you spend to acquire one can never be compared to catering for a new born under severe financial distress.
Marriage is not a competition. Having children is not either. Take your time, live according to your means. Weed out external influence that tries to frustrate your efforts, for e.g., the Womb Watchers Association or the Association of Children Counters. None of them will contribute a dime to your children’s school fees.
And if you die from sufferhead, they will force those kids of yours into child labour, prostitution and cultism.
Be wise, live your couple life at your own pace. God’s got you.
So next time you’re tempted with a kinda “I can’t marry a man who earns 50k salary” argument, don’t honour it unwisely.
Cheers.
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