Hey TEBians! This is a first for me. Like, never before have I felt totally comfy sitting beside a really fat woman in a taxi. So here’s me with my happy fat woman taxi experience.
First off, I hate taxis. Yes I do. Like, I passionately do.
They’re such annoying, tiny, boxed up spaces where four Nigerians must fit into, no matter how large-sized. And just when you think the front passenger seat is a relief, they sandwich you in there too with another human matter🙄😏.
So whenever I can, I do the buses. Matter of fact, if I’m in no hurry, I could stand longer just to ensure I board a bus rather than a taxi.
On the other hand, I will ditch bus any day for a keke napep (tricycle). Yea, they’re the best ever. Unfortunately, our state governors will not let us be great in peace😭.
Today though, there was no hope of a bus because only taxis loaded from my junction. As usual, I mentally prepared myself for the sordid torture of being squeezed and jam-packed like sardine for the 10 minutes ride.
So then, I poked my head into the taxi only to sight this overly plus-sized woman. Oh no, Oh my wawu! Today is clearly my unlucky day. Who did I offend? Did I forget to pray for protection from all forms of discomfort?
Well, I got in the taxi, crossed my fingers ready to bear whatever burden coming my way. Yes, I can survive this💪.
Brethren, just after flexing my muscles to shoulder the storm, I turn my head to see another plus size woman getting in beside me. Oh God why me nau?
Though she was a regular plus size, as in not as fat as the main fat bad gyeh I was dealing with already. Yet, that didn’t change the fact that I was going to be sandwiched between two fat women😭.
Talk about the baddest luck of the day! Or so I thought.
Well my people, if you have never encountered that period when you’re super certain that God is working overtime for you, I wish it for you today AMEN…
Guess what happened next. As soon as the fourth passenger was to come in, this really fat woman shifted off the seat so much that she was almost hugging the driver seat. This instantly created a lot of space behind her so that I could relax inward💃💃 . Automatically, the other less fat woman shifted outwards too so that the slim man could sit well.
I had so much space back in that I could literally wave my arms in hallelujah style, flex my shoulders and neck muscles. Oh I could have as well been riding in a limo. See me smiling all through the ride. Shebi I would have taken her number and post here so that y’all could thank her for me✌.
I tell you most solemnly, blessed is that really fat woman for she refrained from making her neighbours victims of her size but took the responsibility to adjust impeccably for peaceful comfort. She will make heaven, oh she will!
I was so amazed because every other fat woman I’ve met in such space would always sit inwards and keep telling you “there’s no more space” when you ask them to shift so others can sit. Next them go keep face like say na you cause their fatness, acting the victim. They will just be tempting you to call them out on their size in anger so they will call out God to “fight for them”.
World people!
So my lovely fam, this was my highlight for the day. I’m sure you have your own fat woman taxi experience. Did it end in praise like mine?
PS, I’m using style to appeal to our plus size to show mercy while in a taxi. Fear God small eh.
Cheers. Like and share.