How do I get married? Surprised? Lol. In case you didn’t already know, the small tiny remaining wife material I had has finally been stripped. It was remaining enough to at least sew a small towel (shirt-size) when I told my boyfriend that I cannot cook vegetable soup. But now, after I had to submit Ugba to my younger sister to prepare because I couldn’t prepare it, my wife material is no longer enough to sew even a face towel.
Hehe. So my people, tell me how do I get married?
Already when they realized I was ‘too confident for a woman’, they cut down my wife material. Next they saw that not only was I confident, I was even outspoken too. Ah! They slashed it further. Or didn’t I know that a woman is only to be seen not heard? You know our voices sound like mosquitoes singing and our opinions are as shallow as the oil used in frying pancakes. So how can they want to hear ‘small minds’ like us?
Next I dared to be adventurous. I dared to have dreams, outline them into plans, have passion and drive to push them. Girlfriend, that wife material could no longer sew short gown oh. How dare you be wild and free? Are you a man? Do you have a preek? Can you stand up and urinate? Hohmygawd! What a urinary achievement.
So imagine that I don’t like cooking. It’s not even enough to know how to cook __you have to love it and have it as your number one hobby. Now you see, the small extension of the material that could have tied gele was ripped off. Finally add the lack of vegetable soup culinary skills and ugba preparation skills, can the remaining wife material sew handkerchief? Lol.
So ladies, how do I get married finally?
Well guess what? I’m not worried. And if you’re like me, you shouldn’t be worried either. Because you don’t need wife material to get married. That thing called wife material is actually a colourful cloak worn around your neck, so tightly that it sits pretty to the rest of the world while choking the daylight out of you. So you get so many compliments yet die slowly.
I mean, look at the things called wife material: submitting your entire will to the control of a man; suppressing your dreams and ambitions so you remain below a man in order to ‘respect him’; never raising your voice to defend what you believe in; not daring to be wild and independent; ability to cook every type of dish; fucking him every time he’s in the mood not minding your own feelings; keeping mum if he rapes or beats you after all marital rape is not a thing and beating you is always your fault; and so on.
But do you know what constitutes husband material… just provide money. Even when he’s not, ye woman, still perform all your duties. But when she’s not wife material enough, send her packing.
You see why how to get married should not bother you. How to stay married should rather give you concern. That way, you have the foresight to evaluate the things you can live with and the things you cannot condone. Hence you make the right choice of husband who will love and appreciate you for all the things you are and are not.
Babygirl, when you’re with the man for you, there are things that no longer matter. You will not feel that heavy thing around your neck. You will be happy and comfortable from inside to outside. You can talk about everything and anything.
It was at a restaurant that we were served vegetable soup and I told my boyfriend of three years: Do you know I can’t cook vegetable soup?
Him: eh? Hey this girl o, how come?
Me: the preparations are too much abeg. By the time I’m done with the vegetables my mum has already finished cooking the soup.
Him: laughs. Oya go and learn it o. How can you not know how to cook vegetable soup (see African man).
Me: have you finished eating the ones I can cook? And how many can you cook yourself? Now you know the ones I can’t cook, go and learn it. Me I have tried.
Girl, it’s been almost three years and he didn’t know what I can cook and what I can’t. Instead under my guidance, he has learnt to cook a few dishes in addition to the little he knew. I typically cannot deal with those men who start out with testing your culinary skills and cleaning skills to judge whether they can go ahead with the relationship or call it quits.
There’s more to life. Always evaluate and re-evaluate your relationship to ensure your partner is committed to making you happy as you’re to him. This way, you don’t miss out on life because you’re struggling to get married.
The only achievement in marriage is being happy growing with your soulmate. Anything short of that, marriage is not achievement. So scratch that “How do I get married?” question, and… just live.
Cheers. Please leave your comments and share.