So it’s been Father’s Day for a while now and this must be the hottest Father’s Day on the internet. Like everywhere is bursting gbas gbos. What is happening Nigerians? Wawuu. Everybody seems to have their own version of how father’s day should be celebrated. On this episode, we discuss the controversies surrounding Father’s Day celebration. Once again you’re welcome to my podcast. It’s still me Emmanuella and this is the Sister Say What? Podcast. Like say what? Like what are you saying?😂 I’m glad to have you on here.
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So, since the Fathers Day celebrations, several celebrities have come out; single moms and they’re like, “Happy Father’s Day To Me! I’m both father and mother to my daughter, to my son so happy Father’s Day To Me.”
But this didn’t go down well with a lot of people. They’re like “Come on! You women have enough Mother’s Day in a year. We just have this one Father’s Day. Can we just celebrate in peace?” Seriously can they just celebrate in peace?😁
Okay so that’s one. Another one is the different factions of how to wish happy Father’s Day to fathers.
Do you say “Happy Father’s Day to responsible fathers” or do you say “Happy Father’s Day to all fathers?” Which one goes?
Then, why do you have to use the term “Responsible fathers” and “All fathers”?
Because we don’t say “Happy Mother’s Day to responsible mothers”
Neither do we say “We are mothers to our children”.
The fight has been going on. It’s been more than a week yet Father’s day posts keep popping up on the internet where it’s either “I am both mother and father to my child” or “Happy Father’s Day to responsible fathers”. So where do you stand in this?
Comparing Father’s Day to Mother’s Day.
I’m thinking, it’s Father’s Day How many Father’s Day do we get in a year? I’m not so sure but many of them are silent until this one international father’s day that we all recognize.
But when various churches celebrate Father’s Day, we hardly really know about it; but Mother’s Day… it doesn’t matter which church is celebrating Mother’s Day. It’s Loud. Like loouud. You can’t blame us. Mothers are loud.
You know they have every right to be loud. You know they go through a whole lot of b******t. They go through a whole lot of stress and sacrifices and all that, so we give it to them.
They can be loud but is it okay for them to be so loud that they encroach into Father’s Day? I think not.
On the other hand though, most fathers are not making it easy. I mean there are so many absentee Fathers! Deadbeats! It’s difficult for a mother to be absentee; like she has to breastfeed a child even if she doesn’t want to. She has to carry the child to term even if she doesn’t want to. Hello! The law does not allow her to not carry her child to term you know.
She has to put a lot of things on hold just to birth this child. And it doesn’t still end at birthing the child, she still needs to be in this child’s life continuously even if the father doesn’t want to be there.
And they just go and build a whole new family somewhere else. But the mother? Not so much. It’s a pity but it comes to them naturally. So, what do we do about this?🤷
So what I think is, we should be fair. You know I like being fair, like, as troublesome as I can be I still like to be fair. This is just their day. Can we just say “Happy Father’s Day to all fathers”?
Or at least say “Happy Father’s Day to my father”, “Happy Fathers’ Day to the men in my life”, “Happy Fathers’ Day to my uncle”.
Like, just you could give a personal account. “This is what my father did for me when I was growing up”, “This is what this man that is a fatherly figure did for me when I was growing up”. Etc.
I think that day should be filled with positive messages. I mean we have 365 days right? Or is it 366? Yeah sometimes, but 365 days. And if we take out one of them to be positive to men, to fathers, we have the rest 364 days to say all what’s not.
We have the rest 364 days to cuss out the men who have raped us; to cuss out the man who asked for sex in favour; to cuss out the men who wouldn’t just keep their hands to themselves, they’re groping us; the men that are ogling at us; to cuss out all the men that refused to take responsibility, that left us when we were pregnant, that decided to not pay child support, that decided to cheat on us with other women and left us single mothers.
We have all these other days to cuss us out these men. Can we just leave this one day for them to have a reprieve, like come on it wouldn’t hurt.
And I know this whole thing is borne out of bitterness. It’s not easy being put in the motherly way – getting pregnant; and not getting that support from your partner. It’s crazy.
Pregnancy on it’s own is a whole long journey and not just about the number of months but one day can feel like it’s a year.
So doing it alone has the capacity to leave you with all of this bitterness; with all of this, why should I celebrate men? Why should I celebrate him?
But I want you to see it this way: you are not celebrating him, you’re celebrating every other man that is not him. So don’t give him importance, don’t give him significance on that day. If possible, let him not even know that you are thinking of him on that day.
Just cancel him for that one day. Wake up the next day and go at him if you want. Do you understand?
The ‘Responsible Fathers’ Phrase.
For the part of saying, “Nobody says ‘Happy Mother’s Day to responsible mothers'” as compared to using the “Responsible Fathers” phrase…
If as a child, you, my father sees my mother as irresponsible and that was why you left. But this woman stayed with me, you left. She stayed no matter how irresponsible she must have been, she stayed. I was with her, I grew up with her. So I will still celebrate whatever it is she was able to give to me because you were not there. You had it easy, you left. She could have left but she couldn’t. So it’s really that difficult to say “Happy Mother’s Day to all the responsible mothers”.
How easy is it to find irresponsible mothers anyway? You just really can’t compare to the men. Mothers don’t go raping their children now, do they?
If men were half as responsible as women, maybe there wouldn’t be so much bitterness on Father’s Day!
If there was a way to hold them to their responsibility, come on! You get a woman pregnant and you flee. But she gets stuck with it. How can she flee?
It’s quite annoying when you’re looking at him and you know that he can get away with this. Why? Why? Why are you free and I’m not free? It pains, it hurts, but still, can we just leave Fathers’ Day for them? Just find the men that have been good to you and celebrate them. Forget those other ones. Don’t even mention them.
Some persons are like “No matter what you do as a woman, you can never be a father to your child”.
Well literally you can never be a father to your child, but action-wise I think the child can say with his or her mouth; “My mother was both a father and mother to me”. And if a child feels that way, you can’t take it away from her.
However, you’d realize that at any point in time when you finally meet that one person that makes it all go away, when you meet that man that can be that father figure to your child, you will see the difference.
You would feel relieved. You would happily be the mother because being father and mother… What time do you have to be yourself?
So there is always this relief that comes when there is a man who is responsible, who can take care of this child, who can be a father figure to this child and give you some rest, some peace of mind.
Is it just Pride?
When you see these women singing “Happy Father’s Day to me, I’m both father and mother to my child;” look, they wouldn’t choose to do this if they had a choice. That is the card they’ve been dealt and so it’s not really about pride because how can you be proud of something that you wouldn’t choose normally if you could get something better?
It’s really about “When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.” So if you’re going to make lemonade, by all means be proud of making lemonade because some people would have thrown the lemons away, you know that right?
I would prefer to just leave Father’s Day for Fathers, celebrate the 365 Mother’s Day we have and be happy and contented with it, and stop dragging that particular day for men.
I think it's unfair to the great fathers we have that cussing out the deadbeat ones sucks the light out of their day.
Let the men shine a little and trust me, the irresponsible ones won’t even shine because no one’s gon be praising them. They don’t even need you to bring them down. It is even you talking about them on that day that gives them a little significance that could make them shine.
So how about deleting them totally, like forget about them on that one day? Let’s just praise and celebrate the responsible men in our lives; if possible mention their names say “This uncle, this random man I met that imparted so much to me, this my boss that is like a father to me,” celebrate them.
Remove the negative energy for that day. Save it for every other day. Could you do that? Let our men feel a little mushy sometimes. We women, we are so used to feeling mushy we forget that this man could also like to feel that way, so let’s just give them some space on Father’s Day.
What do you think? Do you agree with me or do you want us to keep going gbas gbos on every Father’s Day, like give it to them, serve it hot hot hot?😂. What do you think? I’d like to know. Please leave your comments in the reply section and let me know what you think.
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